Goodbye to a feathery friend

My Mum's pet cockatiel Toby dropped dead this weekend without any warning whatsoever.  The poor little thing, he'd been off his food a bit recently, but we never thought he was going to die, he was about 8 years old, so we thought he had a few more years in him.  My Mum found him dead on the floor and she was quite upset, it was a shock for her, and it brought back memories of when my Dad died.  It was my Dad's bird initially, so he'd have been really upset if he was here.  We buried Toby at the allotment next to my Dad's garden and I bought a lemon coloured poppy to plant above his grave, the poppy should flower at this time each year, and Toby was a yellow coloured bird so I thought it was fitting.  We buried him with his little tweetie pie toy.  RIP Toby Mac.

Cats have been causing a mess in my garden pooing and digging up flowers.  One of them has dug up the cherry pie plant that I'd planted near my front door, I wasn't impressed!  So I bought a purple veronica plant and planted it in its place.  Cats love bare soil, and we need some sun to help the plants grow faster and cover the exposed soil. 

I walked to the shops on Saturday, I'm not getting enough exercise, I mean, I do my bit at the allotment but I still feel like I need to do more.  I park on the car park outside work during the week and because of this I'm not walking enough.  

I picked up the long black flowery skirt from the vintage clothing shop in town.  It's really cool but I think I need to wait until autumn/winter before I can start wearing it, it's not that summery, but will look brill with my black leather boots.

On Saturday afternoon I swept and tidied the back garden and moved around some of the pots and made it look a lot better.  I also fed the front and back gardens with seaweed to try and bring everything on a bit. 

On Saturday night we went for an Indian for our friend's 39th birthday.  We bought him a small bottle of Jura whiskey.  It was a nice meal (not a great choice for vegetarians), but the meat eaters enjoyed it.  Everyone we went out with smoked, so they kept going out for a ciggie and leaving me sat on my own, I'm not used to being with so many smokers, I felt like the odd one out.

The troublesome director has resigned from the shop.  His letter of resignation was a big guilt trip and blamed people for picking on him.  I've not much sympathy really because he brought it all on himself.  We've a business to run and his tantrums over nothing in particular were a distraction from the task in hand.

It was father's day on Sunday and I spent some time at the allotment.  I tidied around my Dad's garden and left a calendula on top of the plinth.  I watered everything and weeded the bean bed.  The weeds are really picking up at the minute, I think it's all the wet weather.  We need to try and keep on top of them before they get out of control.

We ate the first cucumbers of the season.  The mini 'Cucinos' (Thompson and Morgan) were ready and I picked 3 off the plant in the greenhouse at home.  They were very tasty.  I had a spare plant which I gave to my friend Emma.  They're a great size, and one cucumber is just enough for 1 or 2 people, and it doesn't leave you with half a soggy cucumber going off in the fridge.  I would recommend them.  The gooseberries are ready and my Mum made a tasty gooseberry crumble.  I also picked the first beetroot which my Mum is going to pickle.

I made some more cinnamon swirl muffins on Sunday evening.  They're so quick to knock up and very yummy.  Mmmmm.

I've signed up to Lovefilm because they offered me a free 1 month trial and a £15 Amazon voucher.  The first film that arrived was 'Taken' starring Liam Neeson and we watched it on Sunday night.  It was alright, plenty of action, but a bit far fetched and if you looked at the plot in too much detail it wasn't that feasible.  Not an intellectual's film choice really.  I prefer something with a bit more substance.

Chris made a small chest of drawers over the weekend - they're really cool.

I ordered 'Of mice and men' off Amazon, and I've started reading it.  It's going well so far, but the book is a lot shorter that I expected, so I should have finished it soon.  I asked my friend to recommend some fiction for me to read and I've a long list of recommendations to work my way through.

My recommended UK off camera flash kit / strobist equipment

I finally bit the bullet and bought an off camera flash stand, umbrella and flash/umbrella holder to go with my Nikon SB-800 flash.  It took me a while to decide which equipment to order.  There are so many different choices, and not much advice on what to buy, not in the UK anyway.  There's plenty of advice about US kit (especially on the excellent blog Strobist), but not all of the US kit is available to buy here in the UK.  I opted for the Manfrotto 5001b nano stand.  Verdict - good, very pleased with it, feels high quality and like it will last. A bit pricey but it's worth it and I'm glad I paid a bit more and opted for this.  Flashes are expensive and the last thing you want is a cheap stand that falls over.  I also got a Westcot 43" white brolly with removable black cover.  Verdict - good, a bit large, but folds down nicely to a portable size.  Apparently larger brollies diffuse the light better, so the larger size should help with this.  And finally I got the Interfit Strobies tilthead flash head with umbrella holder.  Verdict: cheap and nasty and it didn't fit on the Manfrotto stand properly.  It felt insecure and scratched my brass spigot. So I sent it back for a Lastolite flash tilthead with umbrella holder which is much better, it's made of metal (not cheap plastic) and screws securely onto the Manfrotto stand.  I also got a set of Rosco Strobist gels for the bargain price of £10 off eBay, much better than paying £25 for the official Nikon ones, when you don't get nowhere near as many.  So I'm a happy strobist now.  Just need to take some good pics!  I'll post them here when I do.  I did a few test shots and the light looked great.

I ordered Joe McNally's photography book 'The Moment It Clicks'.  It's brilliant.  The book's got mixed reviews on Amazon, but I read it in 2 days - not cause it's short, just cause it's hard to put down.  It's very readable.  Mostly in the format of a photo, with an explanation of the how the shot came about, and the technique used.  If you want to learn about f stops and shutter speeds, this isn't for you, you need a book aimed at beginners.  This book is for people who already know all that kind of stuff, who want to learn real tips from a guy who's been there and done it for many years.  It's a really interesting read.  Forget the comments about poor quality print - the photos looked fine to me for the purpose of this book.  I've also bought Joe McNally's 'Hot Shoe Diaries' too, which I'm really enjoying as well.  At first I didn't really like Joe's style.  But now he's one of my photographic heroes.  Just goes to show, first impressions can be way off mark.

I went to the shop's board meeting on Friday morning.  A couple of directors are thinking of resigning - they tend to be the people that don't agree with the rest of the group, I think it might be for the best really as they seem to cause lots of tension between people, whereas everyone else gets along.  You see, they want things their way, but it doesn't work that way when it's a co-operative, everyone gets a say, and they don't seem to like that.

Our telephone at home had broken and I waited in all Saturday morning for the engineer to come and fix it, he came right at the last minute too, just as I was about to give up on him. 

We nipped to Annie's cafe on Saturday afternoon, we both ordered the same food as usual, it's getting to be a bit of a habit now.  We popped into a local vintage clothing shop afterwards and I saw a long flowery skirt I really liked, but it didn't have a price tag on and the shop manager had gone home, so I have to go back next week to buy it.  But I really wanted it there and then!  I'll have to be patient.

After Annie's, and with a full belly, I weeded both greenhouses at the allotment.  I'm trying to keep on top of it rather than letting it get out of control.  I've been nipping out the side shoots from the tomatoes and winding them around the string supports.  In hindsight I should have make the string supports a bit slacker as they already seem quite tight around the stems.

The first pot marigold has flowered in the greenhouse at the allotment and there's a few baby green toms appeared on the tomato plants.

I gave everything a seaweed feed, but I haven't started feeding with tomato feed just yet.  I also planted out the second sowing of sweetcorn.

Chris spotted some aphids on one chilli plant, so he snapped off the affected bit.  I hope they don't spread!

I swept out the shed as it was a bit untidy and the cobwebs were coming back. 

The salad bed looks nice and tidy.

The rose that my Mum bought for my Dad's garden has flowered.

I also tidied around the rest of the plot.  Chris bought a strimmer last weekend and he's trimmed back all the grass and weeds on the paths.  It looks so much tidier now.  It's made a massive difference and was a sound investment.  I think he enjoys strimming, he finds it fun.

The weather's been wet yet again (sick of saying that now), and there's not been much sun.  We could do with a bit of sun to bring things on a bit. 

I had a lie in Sunday morning.  Then I got up and pottered about and read some books and watched the Victorian Kitchen Garden DVD.  In the afternoon I baked Delia's old fashioned cherry cake.  It turned out well.  I think my oven runs a bit hot though as a was a bit overcooked on the edges.  Then I went to my Mum's for green Thai curry.  Yum.

Frazzled myself in the sunshine

I had too much to drink on Thursday night and paid the price on Friday - I felt awful and I was sick.  It was really sunny so I sunbathed in the back garden without sunscreen for about 2 hours and burnt my chest and thighs to a frazzle, they were soooooo, soooooooo sore for days!  I'll not be drinking for a while put it like that, tee total time for me. And I'll be wearing sunscreen in future.

I concentrated on doing the back garden this weekend and planted out all the perennials, as well as the annuals including the sweet peas, cosmos and rudbeckia.  Let's hope Steve doesn't dig them all up!  I tidied up in the back garden too and took the cold frame down until next year.  The flowers that were left over have been shipped off to Chris's boss's wife and daughter, and I gave my mum some sweet peas and morning glory.

It was pay day so I treated myself to an Origins order, I needed some more Origins balanced diet moisturiser.  I've got greasy skin with dry bits and this is the only moisturiser which doesn't give me spots as I'm really prone to break outs.  I also got a face mask and some anti ageing moisturiser and they sent me a load of freebie testers too.

My Mum works in a charity shop and she spotted loads of little owls for our owl display in the shed.

Making sock cats at a crafty birthday party

I visited Hanson’s garden centre on Saturday morning with my Mum. We used to go their with my Dad when I was little so I was excited about going again to see what they have. Unfortunately I didn't buy much as it seemed a bit pricey, but my Mum got some bedding plants and a yellow rose for my Dad's memorial garden. When I got home I decided to go to Brookside garden centre and ended up spending £40 on plants, including lots of perennials for the back garden, and some flowers for my Dad's memorial garden.

It was wet again on Saturday afternoon so I stayed in a did my 1970s confectionery jigsaw (1000 pieces), I had it finished in about 3 hours.

I bought a new jigsaw called 'the Artist's cat', which looks like it should be fun, I just need another wet weekend so I can get stuck into it.

It was my friend Caroline's 32nd birthday party on Sunday, and she invited us around to her house for a crafting party and food. I really struggled to choose a present, but eventually chose her some Spanish hot chocolate (very tasty, thick hot choc which you make in small cup), a selection of brighly coloured eyeshadows, some beads to make a bracelet, a tokidoki small Japanese style bag, and some iron on Hello Kitty patches. I arrived at her house just after 2pm on Sunday afternoon and helped her to make a gluten free chocolate cake before the rest of the guests arrived. I also made some lemonade but we forgot to drink it! Everyone sat in her living room and we got busy crafting little sock animals. I made a stripy cat (inspired by my cat Steve) using a sock. Other people made dogs, rabbits, yetis and creatures that we couldn't identify. Two of our friends brought their little babies along as well which was sweet. Caroline laid on a lovely spread, she made a vegan Mexican chilli and served it with wraps, tacos, salad, cheese, sour cream, salsa, guacamole and lots of other yummy stuff. The cake tasted great too.

It would have been my Dad's 72nd birthday on Monday, so I redid the memorial garden at the allotment on my Dad's birthday. I planted a large perennial dog daisy, sweet peas, morning glory carnivale de venice, French marigold, pot marigold, trailing violas, livingstone daisies, orange pansies and fuchsia. It looks much better. I hope the slugs don't attack all the flowers, I've put down plenty of slug pellets. My mum bought a rose tree for the garden so I potted this into a large tub. I also left a bunch of flowers from my aunty Amy and aunty Anne. God bless you Dad.

My sister texted Monday night to say she was coming up the following day with my two nieces for two days. They arrived Tuesday afternoon and Matilda and Venetia helped me fill up large pots of compost and pot on some peppers, aubergines and chillies in the greenhouse at home (I'd been to get another bag of organic compost). In the evening we went out for a meal with them to a local Italian restaurant, Monte Christo, which was lovely. I ordered some amazing cheese, sundried tomato and garlic mushrooms. The following night we had a little feast of crisps, biscuits and goodies and watched the English version of the film Pollyanna.

I was off work on Tuesday so I planted flowers into the front garden. I was going to plant everything in the back garden but some gas men are doing work outside back gate, and they were 'effing and jeffing' so decided to work out the front instead.

The weather's still been very wet, but thankfully not as windy. The hanging baskets have gone up - they'd finished hardening off. I did one for my Mum which she's pleased with. We've been weeding at the allotment. Chris planted the squashes outside. I also planted the cucumbers, aubergines and squashes in the bottom greenhouse. The first flowers on the tomatoes have appeared, there's no yellow leaves yet, thankfully, but I need to buy some epsom salts just in case I spot any signs of magnesium deficiency. When we planted the tomatoes we put a small sprinkling of epsom salts into the planting hole, so this might have helped.

We picked some tasty looking radish.

Stringing the tomatoes

It's been very wet and very windy again. Everything's been blowing about all over the place.

I took Thursday off work and had my hair cut. Then I planted the tomatoes into grow bags in the greenhouse at home. Whilst I was dropping the staging to make way for the tomatoes, one of the legs came off unexpectedly and crashed through a pane of glass, doh!

Over the weekend I tied up the tomatoes.   I started off with a knotted loose loop at the bottom of the tomato, below the first 2 leaves. Then I wrapped the tomatoes around the string in a clockwise direction, and I left it a bit slack.  I used a rolling hitch knot to tie the top of the string to the greenhouse wire horizontal supports.  The rolling hitch knot stops the string sliding around when the plants get heavy. We planted basil and pot marigolds around the bottom of tomatoes.  The pot marigolds will help attract aphid eating insects, and the basil (I think) attracts the whitefly away from the tomatoes, as well as basil going very well with tomatoes.

Chris sowed some parsnips, tied up and staked the broad beans and planted out more lettuce. He's been keeping on top of the weeding too.

This is how the plot's looking.

I tidied out the plants in the greenhouse that were surplus to requirements and donated them to Rod, Janet and Mick. I filled a tray with squashes, cucumbers and aubergines ready to take to the allotment greenhouses.

I potted on lots and lots of basil and 2 cucumber plants in the home greenhouse. I only ended up with 6 cucumber plants altogether, despite sowing a lot more than this. The germination was poor and the plants seemed to be slow to get growing. I think the soil might have been too wet and this has upset them, apparently they don’t like their roots to be too wet. They didn't look like they needed potting on, but I think they would have benefited from it rather than staying in a small soggy pot. I chose Cucino for the greenhouse at home, and the Emile can go to the allotment greenhouse. I’m not sure if I can grow 2 varieties together without them cross pollinating, although they’re both female varieties so I don’t think they make many male flowers.

I did another jigsaw this weekend. I got a round 500 piece one with garden birds on for 50p, it was fun, but there was one piece missing. Doing jigsaws feels a bit sad, as it's kind of pointless because you don’t really achieve much, but it's addictive and I enjoy the challenge. Plus, like I said last week, it's been jigsaw weather, and it feels an appropriate activity for a wet afternoon indoors.

There's been more falling out at the shop over getting a fridge to sell chilled goods. It's the same person causing waves again, and he's said he's resigning now.

I got my mum some red Thai curry paste from the shop. It was mega, mega hot. We got the green Thai curry paste last week and this was really tasty. I definitely prefer green to red Thai curry.

I've sown a second batch of sweetcorn Lark into peat pots in the home greenhouse. I didn’t want all of the sweetcorn to ripen at once and hopefully this sowing will be ready at the end of summer.

I took everything that’s being planted outside out of the greenhouse to harden off in cold frame.

I've measured up for some glass to repair the broken panes in the 3 greenhouses. It'll probably cost about £40 to get them all replaced.

It's too wet to play out – perfect jigsaw weather. Tomato growing experiment - 18 different varities

Not a big update this week, as I've not been feeling too good. The weather has been wet and miserable.

I planted the tomatoes (18 varieties) into the bottom greenhouse on Sunday. Chris planted some in the top greenhouse too. These are the varieties I planted:

My Dad's yellow tomato seeds (which he saved)
Sungold
Rosada
Red Pear
Alicante
Constoluto Fiorentino
Orange Berry
San Marzano
Ildi
Tigerella
Shirley
Sweet Million
Marmande
Moneymaker
DT Brown Trial Cherry
Chocolate Cherry
Ferline
Country Taste

I'll see how they all get on and choose my favourites for next year.

We gave them a handful of blood, fish and bone and a sprinkling of epsom salts when planting them. I also planted the first batch of sweetcorn into the bottom greenhouse.

I did a 1000 piece jigsaw with Chris, which may have set me off on a jigsaw addiction.

A right royal wedding BBQ

The weather's been sunny but spoilt by the wind.

I watched the royal wedding on Friday then nipped to a wedding party at the allotment. Afterwards I went to a BBQ at my friend Nina's house. I was the only veggie and everyone was stuffing their faces full of meat. I got a bit drunk off fizzy wine and beer. I wore a new red, white and blue (accidentally patriotic) maxi dress that I got from H&M. We finished off the party with some whipped cream and strawberries.

We had a yummy lunch out at Annie's café on Saturday.

I planted my squash seeds in the greenhouse at home.

I caught a little boy throwing rocks at my mum's car.

Avi sowed all the runner and French beans directly into the soil at the allotment.

I ordered 2 new sewing books, the Bag Making Bible and Sew Everything Workshop.

I was bank holiday on Monday, and it was a very windy day, so we made the most of the wind and flew a kit down the park.  It was lots of fun and we got the kite pretty high, it was a stunt kite though so it was a bit tricky to control.

Made my first ever curtains!

It was the long Easter weekend and Chris was off work on Good Friday. We should have gone out somewhere for a drive over the weekend, but we ended up just flitting between home and the allotment and getting jobs done. It was boiling hot and sunny on Friday so we spent most of the day lounging around in the back garden. Too much sun makes me tired and cranky though.

The shop did a cool Easter window display.

On Saturday I got lots of flower seeds sown including cosmos, catmint, rudbeckia and some ladybird poppies and nigella for my mum. I also sowed some kale, leeks, cress and more cauliflower.

I made some more cinnamon swirl muffins. They didn't last long!

We finally watched Leaves of Grass on Saturday night, it was pretty funny and we had a few laugh out loud moments. I enjoyed it, but Chris fell asleep (as usual, he did last a bit longer than normal though!).

For Easter we got Mr and Mrs Duck again off my mum. I bought her and Chris a chocolate rabbit each with their names on.

On Sunday we planted the broad beans and peas in the ground at the allotment. Chris has also sown some more carrots in the greenhouse border soil as well as in a large pot. The first potatoes are now popping up. There are lots of baby peaches on the peach tree so I thinned them out slightly.

In the afternoon I potted on the pot marigolds into individual pots - about 20 of them, so we should have a good few of them this year. I sowed some nasturtiums in pots outside. Chris has potted on some sunflowers.

I visited my grandma with my mum on Monday. Then we nipped into town and stocked up on a few things for the garden. Then I went to the allotment and topped up the bird feeders. I finally spotted a blue tit or coal tit pulling wool out of my wool ball, it must have been using it for nest building. I spotted them again on Wednesday night too. I’d been worrying that no birds would use it.

I swept out the shed on Monday afternoon and decided to make some curtains for two of the long windows. This will give us a bit of privacy. I made the curtains from some flowery lineny fabric roll end I got off the market. It was surprisingly easy to knock them up and on Wednesday night Chris helped me put them up. They look cool, but I think they need some tie-backs as they're a bit in your face. Chris thinks they look a bit caravanny.

A cottage in the middle of nowhere (well, the Trough of Bowland actually)

OK, it's time to own up.  I didn't go on the permaculture course on Saturday.  My reasons? I never really felt that comfortable with the course, the venue and the people, plus I felt I could have learnt what I'd learnt from the course so far from reading a book.  But really, it was too much doing two Saturday courses in a month, and when it came to the crunch, I felt I was learning more from the dressmaking course, and I find the dressmaking course lots more fun.  Plus the permaculture course was a long way to drive.  I'd rather do a permaculture course closer to home with people I know.  I feel bad for copping out, but I got lots done in the greenhouse instead.  Especially with summer coming up, I was stupid to think I could devote two Saturdays a month to courses.  I'd rather be outside enjoying the sun with Chris.  Excuses maybe, but deep down, if something doesn't feel right, then maybe it isn't.  But it makes me wonder, because I often think I don't like people based on initial impressions, but after a while when you get to know people you realise they're OK after all. So maybe I should have stuck with it a bit longer.  But I didn't want to.  I copped out of college early as well, because I felt it was taking them a month to explain something that I could have understood from reading a book in an hour.  Chris thinks that's a bit of an arrogant approach, but it's true.  At college they spell things out slowly for the slow learners and the quick learners get frustrated. 

I don't know if I'll have much flair for dressmaking, but it's about being neat and working with numbers, which are things I'm OK at.  I remember one of the first things I got praised for at primary school was being good at cutting out with scissors, and dressmaking involves a lot of cutting out.  It's not that I don't believe in permaculture anymore, because I really, really do, I just don't have enough spare time at the moment to dedicate one Saturday a month to it (which makes it sound unimportant, but that's not what I mean, I can still learn about it from reading books in the evening).  Perhaps I'm just swayed by the thought of making lots of clothes for myself.

I've learnt how to do a fishtail braid/plait from watching a video on YouTube.  It's really easy to do and has inspired me to be a bit more creative with my hair.  It looks really cool too, better than a normal plait anyway.  I tried to buy some new hair accessories in town but the choice was rubbish.

We've got some new handmade wooden shelves in the shop, they look really cool.  A local bodger made them for us.  We've also got a music licence too, so we can play music in the shop now.  On Friday we listened to some Russian gypsy folk music.  There's also lots of new wholefood stock which is coming from a co-op in Manchester called Unicorn.  I bought some ace smelling Unicorn cinnamon, which tastes amazing, and I made some cinnamon swirl muffins which were delicious.

The weather has been gorgeous again all weekend, and it's not rained for a while.

We visited Brookside garden centre on Saturday morning and Chris bought a new red leaved plant for his pond, it was expensive for a small plant (£5.99).  I got some alpine plants for my Mum's rockery and also some small trailing hanging basket plug plants, which I repotted and placed in the greenhouse.  I also bought a parsley plant for our potted herb garden.

After Brookside we nipped to Aldi for some more compost.  They've only got multi purpose compost in stock now, which is rubbish compared to the organic compost I got there a few weeks back.  There are lots of twigs, white bits and even bits of bin bag in the multi-purpose compost.  It'll be fine for flowers but not for edible crops.  Next year I need to buy about 10 bags of organic compost, which seems a lot but we use it in the greenhouse, garden and allotment.

Chris dropped off the compost in the greenhouse at home, then I planted some sweetcorn into peat pots.  I also planted some cucumber Emilie F1, as not all the Cucino seeds have germinated.  The melon and cucumber seedlings have been slow off the mark and appear quite fragile.  These need to go in early next year.

Chris went to the allotment and planted all the chillies into the border soil, and sowed two rows of carrots in the border soil as well.

My sister came up to visit with her husband and two children from Friday til Monday.  They stayed in a luxury cottage in the Forest of Bowland, which is a designated 'area of outstanding natural beauty'.  My mum and I drove to Whalley Abbey to meet up with them on Sunday.  We had a walk around the Abbey and the girls did an Easter egg hunt.  Then we had lunch outside on a picnic bench (cheese and onion toastie for me washed down with some elderflower presse, yum diddly um).

The my mum drove us into the Trough of Bowland following my sister's car.  The cottage was in the middle of nowhere, nestled at the bottom of a big hill, and lots of (brave) people were paragliding off the hill.

We had a cup of tea and a slice of my sister's homemade marble cake, before going for a walk near the cottage.  I was glad I took my wellies as I got a chance to play in the stream with the girls.  One of my nieces showed me her new bike riding skills and we played a few games, before sitting down for tea together.

I booked Monday off work to catch up in the greenhouse.  I repotted all the tomatoes into larger pots.  I did three of each variety, 2 for the allotment and 1 for home.  I'll probably have too many, but it's better than not having enough.  We should have an amazing selection of tomato varieties.   I gave what was left to Chris's boss for his greenhouse. I also repotted the chillies, peppers and aubergines that Chris had sown.  The names on the labels had rubbed off so I wasn't sure which was which (I did warn him that the writing on his labels would rub off).

I also sowed some morning glories and black eyed susans.  I'd lined up lots of other flower seeds to sow but I didn't get round to it.  I'll get them done next weekend.

I got this little gardening man in a kinder egg many, many years ago.  I gave him to my Dad and he kept him in the greenhouse.  He's still there now, he's a little faded, but still very cute.

I had to resow some seeds in the cold frame outside - some seedlings had been decimated by slugs, especially the lettuce, spearmint, coriander, cauliflowers and sunflowers.  Chris has about 30 baby sunflowers in pots, grown from seeds saved from the sunflowers we grew last year.

Yesterday I met with my boss for a supervision session, and we inevitably discussed me getting upset at the presentation the other week.  Surprisingly my boss was really good about it.  She suggested I put things into context.  She said people aren't good at everything and I'm good at some things other people aren't good at.  She said there's no need for me to feel I should be good at presenting to groups if that's not what I want to do.  I just need to decide whether I want to do it or not, which I thought was a very refreshing change to the usual 'you've got to overcome your shyness' tact.  I thought my boss was very understanding in a genuine way.  She explained she doesn't like writing things down, whereas I do, so everyone is different, and everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.

I had a wander down the allotment last night after work, it was really sunny and I'd been stuck in an office all day so it was nice to get outside in the sun.  I thinned the radish, beetroot and spring onion, which so far (fingers crossed) the slugs haven't spotted.  I sowed some mixed leaves in the same bed.  I hoed all the onions and garlic too.  It's been very dry so the soil is starting to form a pan.  Chris's friend gave him a tub full of tadpoles so he fetched these down and put them in the new pond.  He's hoping to get some frogs in there.  It's nice to nip down the allotment for an hour before tea.  It felt much nicer than being in an office.

Maybe I could set up an online support group for introverts?  I think people would be reluctant to join, after all, the last thing an introvert needs is other people!  But I'm sure some introverts would agree, sometimes it's reassuring to know you're not on your own dealing with these feelings.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just shy, with some introvert qualities.  But no one wants to admit they're shy though, do they?  There's nothing good about being shy, at least being an introvert doesn't sounds as bad as 'I'm shy'.  I'm definitely not a shy extrovert though (if there is such a thing).  So by default if I'm not an extrovert I must be an introvert!  Some people hate being on their own, whereas I see it as an opportunity to do my own thing.

Do you know what?  I'm not mentioning shyness and introversion anymore.  Not for a while anyway.  Like I said last week, I'm sick of thinking about it.  There's bigger fish to fry.  Like career options.

I look at the older people in my office and think 'I don't want to still be here when I'm their age'. If only I could think of a career path that fitted in with me. I guess everyone struggles with that one.

I want a job where I can wear my jeans

Which is another way of saying 'I want a job where I can be myself'.  I've always had to wear officey clothes for work, I just wish I could dress how I normally dress.  I want people to see me for who I am.  The job market is pretty grim at the moment, so I'm not getting my hopes up for a new job just yet.  Anyway, I don't know what kind of job I really want. I guess I'd like something practical and hands on, rather than strategic and 'airy fairy'. I want to get out there and make a tangible difference, working with things that matter to me.  Or maybe solving technical problems.  I dunno... 

The blackthorn has blossomed, spring is officially here

There was a bit of falling out at the shop on Friday.  Nothing to do with me, it was the manager and another director arguing about there being too many volunteers and disagreeing over buying a refrigeration unit.  The director in question can be a bit childish and has a strop whenever things don't go his way.  They spent 90 minutes in the back room having a heated discussion about things.  I stayed out of the way and faffed with the gardening and window displays.  I think some people need to get a grip on their emotions and act more professionally, after all, we're trying to run a business.  Whilst I was at the shop I bought some more Faith In Nature chocolate shampoo and conditioner.  I really like it and it makes my brown hair very shiny and soft.  I tried the rosemary shampoo and jojoba conditioner, but there weren't as good as the chocolate ones (not for my hair type anyway).  I also got a 'shop local' shopping bag.

It was really super sunny all weekend.  The weather was great, and I ended up a little sunburnt, but I think the extra vitamin D will have done me good.

We planted the potatoes on Saturday morning (or should I say Chris planted them).  You can just see them in the top of this photo, we also planted the earlies and second earlies down next to the rhubarb.

The path down the side of the top greenhouse looks really clear.  How long is that going to last?  I bet it won't take long for the brambles to reclaim it.

I checked the damson tree and there still aren't any buds on it.  Our friend advised cutting off the dead branches, which I did, but there was no sign of life or green inside the branches, so it's not looking good.  It's a shame, as it was one of the last things my Dad planted at the allotment.  Chris said I shouldn't get upset though, because everything at the allotment is a testament to my Dad and there's still lots of plants alive that he planted, plus all the greenhouse and building work that he did.

I continued to dig the patch of land were the cabbages were.  I've not quite finished it yet, but I'm nearly done. 

The shallot shoots are up and looking well.  Some of the onions are up too.  The radish and beetroot seeds are up.

Leaves have started to grow on the peach tree.

Chris's chillies in the greenhouse are doing well but a slug has eaten some of the habanero seedlings.

The garlic's doing well.

I picked the first batch of rhubarb.

All the trees are coming into bud and spring has well and truly arrived, the blackthorn tree at the allotment has blossomed.

The primrose under which Joey my old pet bird is buried, has made loads of flowers.  It's got bird poo on it too, which is kind of appropriate.

The cherry blossom trees are starting to bloom. The blackbirds are nesting again in my Mum's back garden.

I hoovered my car on Saturday afternoon.  Then our neighbour mowed our front lawn and we tidied up the front garden.  It looks lovely now, and the forget me nots look great.

It was the Grand National horse race on Saturday.  I entered the sweepstake at work and Chris bet a tenner on a horse but neither of us won, my Mum won a tenner though.

I sat out and sunbathed for the rest of Saturday afternoon.  We had a lovely ice cream in a cornet with raspberry sauce, it was yum.  I'd taken a hayfever tablet earlier in the day, and I had a shandy in the afternoon, and the tablet must have reacted with the alcohol because I suddenly went really tired and had to go for a sleep.  I'm not going to bother with the hayfever tablets anymore.

I wore my new Native sunglasses on Sunday, which meant I had to put my contact lenses in too.  My hayfever was fine.

I took my car to be washed on Sunday morning.  I also nipped to the flea market but I didn't get anything.  Then my friend called and arranged to hijack my sunny Sunday afternoon. She's having boyfriend troubles and needed someone to talk to.  She visited the allotment then we chilled in the back garden and listened to Jarvis, and I helped her sow some seeds for her garden.  I'd plan to sow some seeds but I didn't get chance, so I feel behind with things now.  The plants in the back garden have come back to life.

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The viola look lovely.

And the white drumstick primula looks great.

My Mum made a lovely veggie tea of stuffed peppers and salad, and we had baked rhubarb and ice cream for dessert.   Mmmmmm.

I've got Leaves of Grass, starring Edward Norton (twice) on DVD.  I can't wait to watch it, but I'm saving it for an evening where I can settle down and make the most of it seeing as I've waited so long for it to be released.   Chris is keen to watch it too.  I also ordered Stone on Blu-Ray, which for some crazy reason, I'm also saving.

I made a batch of my own cereal bars using a recipe from the River Cottage Cakes book (fruit, nut, honey and seed bars) on Sunday night.  I wanted a healthier alternative to shop bought cereal bars to take to work with me.  It's a good recipe, but I used figs, dates, walnuts and linseeds instead, but you could vary it with whatever combo of fruit, nuts and seeds that you fancy.  I ended up with 12 bars which will be plenty to last me all week at work, and there's enough for Chris to take some too.

Chris accidentally let someone's dog out of a house he was working at on Monday.  He chased it for an hour, before giving up and coming home.  He was so worried about it, but it turned out OK because the owners found it at 7pm that night.  He was so relieved, but he spent a full night worrying about it.

I watched Mean Girls on Film4 and I thought it was pretty good.

I've started doing some yoga by following a video called 'Yoga for dummies', I've done it twice and really enjoyed it.  It feels like it's doing me the world of good, especially my back.  I'm going to keep it up.

I'm fed up of the i word

The i word is introvert. The word keeps appearing on my blog and I'm sick of seeing it. It's not a nice word and it has negative connotations. It's sounds like a bad thing to be, and I always feel like I need to justify why I'm an introvert. Well, let me try and put this to rest once and for all. Yes, I am what most people would describe as an introvert. I don't like being in big groups of people, I enjoy my own company, I can be shy until I get to know people. This is me, and I don't need to make excuses. I'm worried when I discuss the presentation thing with my boss at work that she'll say to me, 'let's try and help you get more confident'. Isn't that the same as me saying to her let me help you become more introverted and less confident? I'm not designed to be a confident outgoing person. There are loads of things I'm good at, why try and improve the things I'm rubbish at? It's not a weakness or something I need to get rid of - this is just who I am! I'm not a meek little thing that needs pulling out of my shell. I'm quite happy as I am. The problem begins when I try to fit into an extrovert world. Aaarrrggh. I'm sick of thinking about it! I spend time with people sometimes and I'm so glad to be left on my own at the end of it. I know this is who I truly am. I'm not going to try and change myself because I don't see why I need to, I'd be fighting a losing battle trying to make myself something I'm not.

Sunday therapy sessions with Jarvis

Well, this week my introversion, social anxiety, shyness - call it what you like - all came to a head on Thursday morning. I'd been asked to give a presentation at a meeting and I'd mentioned to my boss a few weeks back that I didn't feel comfortable doing this in front of a large group. So we came to a compromise - I'd put the presentation together and she would deliver it (she's fine in front of large groups, but not good with computers and presentations). However, when it came to the day, she must have forgotten our discussion. She quickly ran through the presentation and said 'are you OK doing the second half?' Well, stupid me, I just said yes, knowing full well that I didn't feel comfortable. But we were in an office full of people and I wasn't about to start spouting off about how shy I am. Some people don't realise I have a problem, and I didn't want to go shouting about it in front of a room of people. So we set off for the presentation. Well, imagine my horror when we entered the meeting room and there was about 60 people there! There's no way I can do a presentation in front of 60 people with 30 minutes' notice. So I had to tell my manager I couldn't do it and I got upset and started to cry. I felt so pathetic. I was crying like a child because I didn't want to do something. But I was really, really genuinely upset to the core and I had to go to the toilets for 20 minutes because I couldn't stop crying. I guess all these feelings that I'd bottled up were all coming out whether I liked it or not. My boss was understanding and didn't mind doing the presentation on her own. But I need to explain to her that I wasn't just upset about the presentation that morning, that it was about a lot of other issues in my life re social anxiety. It does my head in. How can I move forward in my career with this issue? I've got the brain to move up the ladder, but my social anxiety will prevent me from doing so. And I don't want to get over it, because taking in front of groups isn't something I aspire to do, it's just not for me.

I was really upset anyway. I came home and watched Fight Club. For some reason this film always soothes away any upset. It calms me down and makes me feel me again. I really needed it.

My friend Nina gave birth to a baby girl called Grace on Friday. I bought her a cute little summer outfit and hat and popped round to see them tonight. Grace is so adorable.

My sister and one of my nieces came up to visit this weekend. Unfortunately their visit clashed with my dressmaking course so I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I'd have liked. I had to work at the shop on Friday morning as it was the monthly board meeting, so this scuppered my usual cleaning routine, but Chris helped me out because he was off work. I made new some labels for the gardening section in the shop, I used some photos I took in the garden last year as the background for the labels. They look pretty good.

I found it hard at some points over the weekend, especially in the car with the radio on, my niece asking me questions and my sister asking me questions at the same time! It was too much going on at once and I was glad to get in the greenhouse on my own and sow some seeds. I sowed some melon seeds and some more chillies seeds. I also sowed three packets of sweet pea seeds, 3 per recycled pot noodle pot (Chris drilled some holes in the bottom, but they're nice long pots for the sweet peas to establish their roots in), and these went in the cold frame. Whilst sowing the seeds I listened to Jarvis Cocker's radio show, which is always soothing. I love Jarvis. His show feels very intimate, rather than loud and bolshy, it feels like it's just me and him. He even speaks softly and his voice is therapeutic. And I like the stories, poems and his choice of music. He helped to recharge my batteries and make me feel me again. I read on Wikipedia that he's also a fan of Sailing By before the Shipping Forecast, which made me smile. It's good to know it's not just me who likes these kind of things.

On the dressmaking course on Saturday, we cut out our fabric for the skirt and tacked it together, before attaching a waistband and trying it on. I was surprised the skirt actually fit me, but it did. I enjoyed the course this time and didn't come away with a headache. There was a demonstration taking place in town and lots of police sirens and horses were going past all day. A the next lesson we'll sew the skirt together using a sewing machine.

Chris has erected a new fence at the allotment which gives us a bit more privacy. He's also finished off the pond which looks ace. He's done a really good job. I'm sure we'll get some frogs in there soon.

I've been enjoying watching a live show by Christy Moore which I recorded off BBC4. I'm going to get more of Christy's music because I love some of his songs, especially Ride On.

It was Mother's Day on Sunday and I bought my Mum a royal hanging basket, with flowers in red, blue and white, she's excited about the royal wedding so I thought she'd like it. We also got Chris's mum a royal wedding planter. Chris's mum came to visit and we took her down to the allotment as she's never been before. She seemed impressed. I also took my sister and my niece to the allotment, and my mum came along too. Then we took my Mum out for lunch. She told me she's been feeling anxious again, so I hope she feels better soon. I thought she was doing OK after her trip to NYC but I'm not sure now. I hope she's alright.

The forget me nots look ace.

I picked some for me and my Mum.

My friend said she's been having spooky experiences in her room at night and she was going for an exorcism tonight!

Chris's holiday has finished now and I felt sorry for him having to go back to work. I hope he decides to take it easy and do more things for himself. As for me going down to 3 days, I don't think I could afford it, so I'm shelving that idea for a while.